Since accusations of verbal abuse, stalking, harassment, issuing terroristic threats, etc., can arise from even the smallest appearance of any form of harassment, it is imperative that you take action to prevent it. The ideas listed below are not arranged in any particular order or category and may address one or more potentially dangerous circumstances that could damage your case.
- Reduce your contact with the other parent, or what I like to call low contact (if children are not involved – no-contact).
- Emails ought to be kept short and simple. (Visit how to communicate with your Ex to learn more about the k.i.s.s method of communication) Only issues relating to the children should be covered, preferably in numbered or bulleted topics. They must be free of any vulgar language, intimidation, or threats. Avoid expressing emotion in your texts or emails.
- Keep phone conversations to a minimum, if at all. Phone conversations should be avoided to eliminate he said/she said arguments. All parties should seek for and acknowledge permission before a talk is recorded, and that permission should be included in the recording itself. (depending on what state you're in, permission may or may not be needed) If permission is required in your state, end the call if authorization is denied. Always maintain a polite demeanor, refrain from profanity and intimidation, and keep your voice down.
- Only in urgent emergencies, and only if the emergency directly affects the children, may phone communication be used.
- Child exchanges ought to take place at a neutral location, preferably one that is in a public place. (Mall, park, police station).
- If the court orders that child swaps take place at the houses, bring a video camera and/or a third party to witness the exchanges to avoid setting yourself up for potential trespassing penalties or worse. Don't ever walk up to the house. For the exchange, you can honk or text your arrival. If calling is unavoidable, Simply say, "I'm here, send out the children, please". and then hang up.
- Avoid calling your ex-partner repeatedly. A claim of harassment can be strengthened by frequent calls, and it is simple to collect and provide proof of frequent calls in court.
- Don't ever allow yourself to be alone with your ex-partner. I've heard of accounts of high-conflict ex-spouses actually injuring themselves, occasionally gravely, following a meeting that seemed innocent and accusations made against the other parent.
- Avoid appearing to be scary or stalking during your child's events by taking a seat away from the high-conflict ex.
- Avoid getting involved in anything linked to the divorce or custody cases if you're the other parent's new spouse(step-parent). Don't leave any written or recorded evidence of having spoken with the “ex who caused so much trouble”. I’ve come across instances in which someone was issued a restraining order on the grounds of "stalking" just for assisting and/or supporting their spouse in handling situations with the high-conflict ex. Become the "invisible ally." Give all the advice and help to your spouse that is requested but leave no paper trail with your name on it.
- Avoid doing any "favors" for the ex. I've seen the "nice guy" or "nice girl" step up and support the ex-partner, mostly out of concern for the kids, only for a nasty situation to develop as a result. Examples of what NOT to do for your ex is: drive them places, do things for them like pick up their medicines, pick them up or drop them off anywhere. They’re no longer your spouse/partner. Don’t treat them like they are.
Yes, you can avoid a claim of harassment by using these proven guidelines when dealing with your Ex. Let me know how it worked down below and remember,
stay calm.
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